long sleeved shirt
thermal tank top
three pairs of socks
two pairs of gloves
14 layers of clothing for Broomball. At least losing means we won't have to go out in the cold again!
Hope springs eternal.
i goddamn wish it wouldn’t!
Theres no good reason for me to still be so hung up about this. Theres an expiration date on these things, on relationships like this, and this one is moldy, sour, freezerburnt. And to be wasting so much time, to feel like ive lost something regarding a boy who has made it clear that he doesn’t care a whit about me anymore, its asinine. Its ridiculous, and pointless, and if it wasn’t for that nagging voice in the back of my head, maybe I couldve given up on him a long time ago. But noo, what if? What if he really isnt ignoring me? What if he still likes me, but thinks I don’t like him, so he’s trying to stay away from me because yes, kate, you live in a fucking soap opera and of course that’s how life works! Christ! Because even if, even if! he felt like that about you it would have ended a while ago, because….because you’ve kinda been doing that to him. Because you do still like him. And you don’t want him to think your creepy and clingy (because, jesus, you’re usually not, what is this?!) and so you’ve been trying to not force yourself into his company, but no! you’ve been trying to talk to him! You say hello, you smile, and so he responds, but you don’t ever converse. Can you blame that on him, or can it be both your faults? Like it was both our faults that the whole thing never had any definite closure (or did it and youre just in denial cause you cant find anybody else to kiss?) if you wanted closure, you should have sought it out about two months ago, kate, this is ridiculous.
The whole reason it fell apart was because you two had communication problems. The whole reason its still apart is because of communication problems! If you could have, perhaps, not been awkward, and when he tenatively put forth that maybe the relationship had run its course- because that’s what this all stems from, isnt it! that nagging feeling that maybe he had wanted you to protest, and you didn’t! you wanted to and you didn’t! and why? Because you didn’t know what to say. And you still don’t know what to say, obviously, since you’ve been pining over that since it happened! Since you realized that he wasn’t even going to reforge a basic friendship, and you realized you’d lost even that. And you figured you’d just get drunk at a party one time, and tell him, and then he’d know, for better or for worse, but you’re just as shy when your drunk as when your sober! In fact, you just have all the more reason to be shy! Jesus, what a mess.
And now its too late, isnt it. You’re just going to have to get over it. Find somebody else, go to parties with them, enjoy yourself wihtout that nagging voice that points out who you were dancing with the last time you were at a party here. Because this is ridiculous, you cant just try to go back to an old relationship because it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. The boy doesn’t like you anymore! Just cause, for once in your life, you werent tired of a guy before you ended the relationship doesn’t give you the right to go bother him again, a good month after the fact, to figure out whether or not he still has feelings for you! He doesn’t! hes made it clear to everyone except that idiotic, Dickinsonian bird of hope that wont fucking shut up!
Maybe now I’ll be able to sleep.